SaiDan has begun to howl. He is 4 years 7 months old, and all throughout the house I hear, “How-How-Howllllll,” like wolf baying at the sky. I think he learned this from Netflix and the TV show PJ Masks.
Another thing he does is say, “Bow-Bommmb,” every time Netflix is turned on. It’s a goofy ritual we share, and these things alert me to a few things.
It’s been several months since I’ve last written about parenting. But I’ve noticed my son growing very rapidly between 3 and 4 years old. For example language, expression, drawing, speech and math have all dramatically improved in SaiDan. I remember in November 2019 watching him grab chalk and write several letters upon our chalk board. This was an amazing experience. I witnessed a formerly conscious but limited child start to transition in his ability to create or express. As a parent, I had an awareness that this child suddenly grasped abstract human concepts. I remember being very present and excited the moment when SaiDan began to replicate the Phonecian alphabet. It really brought home and increased my interest in language. It also felt like SaiDan’s neurons were linking up right in front of my eyes. It felt like watching a computer program writing its own code, and switching itself on for the first time.
SaiDan has always been very expressive with physical movement: walking, dancing, running, climbing, jumping. I also recall the first time he stood up on his own. He was quite young, but I forget how old (perhaps nine months). He shuffled around with a laundry basket, and I remember encouraging him, “Up! Up! Up!” to which he responded by standing up, putting his hands in the air, and smiling, “Hey, look Dad, No hands.”
Of course, SaiDan didn’t say the above with language. He conveyed it. I felt it. These are the types of nuance and communication that family members share, and I am learning, that only parents can understand. And SaiDan’s ability to express words has always been a question for Karpa and me. Even now he mispronounces words. Tomorrow is “Too-MAD-do”; Lollipop is “Wollipop”; he struggles with the letters R and L; and fricatives, such as the th sound, frustrate his tongue. I have to coach him to repeat “La, La, La, scrape the tongue along the roof of your mouth…” The same with the “th” sound. “Put your tongue on your teeth-tha.” And we are two thirds of the way into our speech pathology assessment. At times, there is frustration which ensues due to a lack of coherent communication. He might repeat words over and over, using a combination of mispronounced sounds, along with misapprehension of concepts, ideas, words. This can lead to meltdowns, which, were at times, very, very severe. At other times, he will repeat words that initially don’t seem to make sense, but later on reveal themselves in a moment of epiphany. For example, whenever he found an interesting trinket on the ground, he was saying for months: “Rocket. Pocket. Put it in your pocket.” And he would pick the coin, toy, rock, flower, bug etc up and put it away, snug in his pocket.
I kept saying to him, “Where did you hear that? At school? It doesn’t make any sense.” I assumed it was one phrase of what I assume will be many slang phrases. These are the common types or sayings that school children share amongst themselves.
However, one day he picked up a coin and said, “Zip it. Lock it. Put it in your pocket.” And suddenly the penny dropped for me.
The difference between 3 years and 4 years old for my son’s ability to express is fascinating. I feel like if I don’t write down some of the day-to-day nuance, it will easily be forgotten. Or even missed. There is something I enjoy about the process of writing this down now. It helps me hone my own experience of parenthood. It also helps me pay attention with a better awareness.
I have been so fortunate to spend the time I have spent so far with my son. We have a great relationship. I take him to the pool, playground, museum, library, wrestling…all sorts of fascinating experiences. Even fishing, an activity which I’m sort of culturally interested in because of our location in Tasmania, but also an activity which I’d at least like to read about the ethics and morals involved before we delve too deep into as a hobby. Yet, despite all of this time I’ve spent with SaiDan, I noticed I can be absent minded in meeting him as a playmate. I’m just not very interested in Legos and Track Master Trains. And the other day he repeated, “Play with me.” A simple request. My response, often, can be, “OK…” and then I’ll put on a podcast, half-tidy and half-play with him, be distracted by my phone…rather than just fulfil a fairly simple request to sit and play with him. I had another moment of awareness with him that day. Just sitting and putting the tracks together and asking how we should build his train set, and listening to his directions, “Make the track bend, a little ‘wiggle-waggle’ here like this,” and making eye contact is really not much of a task for me to do. Even for 5 minutes or an hour. But, truth be told, I can often get distracted and miss these opportunities. As physically present as I am, it felt like the other day, 1 January 2021, after I’d been reflecting upon the year and consciously carved out some time to mentally be very present with him…It felt like that was the most present I’d been with him as two communicating humans can be. Like we met each other on an equal footing for the first time.
2020 will be remembered in the world as the pandemic year. The year of COVID-19. And, partially, that is also true for me. However, there are framing effects that really shift my focus. Parenting is one such joy. For example, our family was able to regularly go for walks together. SaiDan took his blue scooter and blue bike, which he received as his 4th birthday gift. SaiDan continued to pick flowers to bring home to his mom. He painted and drew artwork like a mad artist; in one weekend, he coloured 50 pictures in a cute but somewhat alarming burst of creativity. During this time, he also got into the habit of learning to draw cars, trucks and tractors through youtube videos. He would awaken and run to me, demanding we put on youtube to draw together. He would then share his pictures with friends at school.
SaiDan began swimming lessons. He played soccer. He played basketball. We had a very good year together in our new home, in Tasmania, arguably one of the safest places in the world. Looking back, it was one of the best years yet for my family. So, bring on 2021. I’m looking forward to what the year brings.
okanythingwhatever 